A Pen with My Name On It

I remember when I was a little girl shutting my eyes real tight before entering the trinkets section of the souvenir shop with the hope that one time there would be a pen with my name engraved on it. I would comb through the names Karen, John, Jack, Jill, but never a Darcie especially one that would end in an i-e.

I never gave up hope for that magical pen!

I believe eventually it was my older sister that felt sorry for me and my sad misguided hope for that one pen. After camping across Canada for the second time she gave me the cold hard truth that I was cursed with a name that wasn’t generic enough to make it to the hierarchal pen list of name worthiness. 

My wants were simple at that time a cheap pen with my name on it.

It never happened.

I remember this only because the other day somebody asked me “What do you want, Darcie?”

And I stopped myself from replying off the cuff “A pen with my name on it.”

If life was only as simple as that time when we were young, and we were still looking for that damn elusive trinket.  But it is those little things that also prepared us for life’s pitfalls when we became *cough* adults and knew better not to want anything too much.

However, in my own naivety it does not stop me from having simple wants in life.

So, if that same person asked me again, “What do you want?”

My answer is simple I want people to be who they say they are going to be, treat others with kindness, respect, and honesty. They have the ability to keep their word and apologize when they are wrong with sincerity. If they are going to preach about integrity, then they live their life as such in all areas and do not hold two faces.

As much as I try to live by my truth and falter then falter, again. I also recognize that nobody is perfect and that we all falter making mistakes. I am not alone in this messy world and nobody is perfect.

It is from this simple concept that I never give up hope that there is goodness in this world especially when we own our mistakes, are forthright about it, learn, and grow from them.

But with that being said, Pollyanna is tired.

Somebody just give me my fucking pen.

One thought

  1. I wanted that pen too, but thankfully at my school, Shawbury County Primary you could choose to have your name engraved on the ink pen barrel. There were many other disappointments since then, and I’ve had to answer the same question throughout my life. Like you say/do ratio became my measure. Hell it was my job in corporate to measure the congruency of the management team in the promises they made to the customers and associates. But I let that workplace skill creep into my marriage and judged my partner when I should have respected our differences and let alone. In this new season, I’ve learnt to love myself and love everyone like I love myself and let go of any expectations of anyone for anything. I hope in a future season the universe will unite me with a special someone who loves and lives in love with themselves first, then accepts me for who I am with each breath…

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